It happens to just about every kid at some point – back talking. The sassy and negative replies can sneak up on a parent, but you can stop the back talking with these 4 techniques to end rude responses.
Quickly defuse the situation and end the bad habit with a method that works for you and your family on a comfortable and effective level.
4 Techniques Used to End Rude Responses with Kids
- Praise The Positive – It’s easy to focus on the negative and forget to praise your family for positive behaviors. It’s not uncommon for parents to be quick to jump into action when a negative situation arises, so support the good things with understated praise. You don’t have to throw glitter in the air and give out stickers, but a simple smile and show of appreciation of the desired responses will be an amazing tactic.
- Disarm Negative Responses With Kindness – The notion of killing with kindness began in an English proverb but Shakespeare made the saying famous in ‘Taming of the Shrew.’ The conception stuck around and for good reason. Combating negative back talking with more negativity can actually make the problem worse. The rude response actually becomes a power struggle and by handing the back talking with equally sassy retorts you sink to their level and it becomes acceptable behavior. Instead, pull your child aside and inform them that a rude response is not a good way to handle the situation and ask if something is wrong. Often, the heart-to-heart eliminates tension and allows you to constructively correct the behavior.
- Set the Rules and Keep Your Cool – Once the back talking begins, immediately address the issue with a simple explanation of why the rude responses won’t be tolerated. Next, give your child a way to express their anger or frustration with an example of how you need to them handle their feelings. Finally, remember to keep your cool. You might want to snap back with a retort of your own, but avoid fighting fire with fire.
- No Second Chances – Generally speaking, parents tend to hand out a warning before dolling out punishment. It’s attempting to keep things fair while letting your child vent, however back talking can be a different beast to handle. Avoid responses that entail, “If you do that one more time…” Immediately work to correct the negativity with a consequence. It doesn’t have to be severe punishment. Simply At first, the technique may seem to spark more issues, but as you continue holding your child accountable they will understand the process.
Finding the technique to stop back talking and end rude responses might be a series of trial and error.
Don’t give up!
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Raising a family is never easy, but it’s always incredibly rewarding. Do you have any tips on how to stop back talking?
I like this short article, but would like it even more if there would be some practical examples.
Wish I had this common sense approach to use when my 4 girls were starting this bad habit! I am passing this along to them to use with their boys so they can eliminate a very stressful part of training up your children to become delightful people to be around and keep harmony in their family!
Thanks for this! But the notion of “killing with kindness” is actually older than the English proverb, it’s biblical. Proverbs 25:21
@Bethany
“Heaping hot coals” is what the other person feels after hearing the kindness of your words. I paraphrased from Proverbs 25:21-22.
For parents, they should memorize and teach Proverbs 15:1 (KJV)
“A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.”
thanks for this lecture,it came at the right time.
Thank you for this. I have tried to fight fire with fire with my four year old. Don’t Try it. It lets the fire get way out of control. My son thinks for some reason that he can back talk, then smile and he say and i quote ” since I make you smile, is it ok”. Yes he is adorable, but i have to learn to keep that straight face even though i want to bust out laughing because he is so darn cute. This article really could not have come at a better time.
Thank you,
This came at the perfect time for me! Can you give some real examples of consequences you’ve used that were effective?
I would send them to bed early without a book, vinegar in the mouth(just a tsp will do it), and now that they are older I take away electronics including texting. HTH
Vinegar in the mouth is an awesome idea. Thanks
Thank you so much for this!!! My oldest is in the back-talking, rude response phase and it is so frustrating. And unfortunately I usually snap back. I will definitely work on keeping my cool and responding with kindness. I know that works but in the heat of the moment it can be so hard.