Whether you are a single mom by choice or you are grieving those ugly divorce papers, being a single mom is plain out unpredictable. I have learned to actively change the things I can, and pray over the things I absolutely have no control over.
A lot of times, I’m praying because I don’t have control over my situation. It’s just the way it is.
But one thing is true……..
You are not alone.
You have a heavenly father that loves you more than any man could ever possibly adore you. And guess what? He won’t ever forsake you.
I encourage you to lean on the Lord everyday because He has this single mom thing covered for you.
That alone gives me an enormous amount of comfort just knowing He wants me to give this burden to Him. It’s tough!
Here are 7 Tips That I Believe EVERY Single Mom Needs to Know
- You Can Do This. You are much stronger than you think. Yes, you will have your ups and downs, but this hardship situation will make you a stronger and better woman in the long run. You will be ministering to others because God uses all situations for His glory including yours!
- You Will Mess Up. I mess up every day. I have lashed out to my children when I was tired many times. I have learned to say sorry and ask for forgiveness daily with my children. Children need to see that you are not perfect, but you do know how to ask for repentance. This seems to be a lost concept today.
- They Need Their Father. I’ll be honest. I’m not crazy about this, but it’s the honest truth. My children need a relationship with their Dad. They need love and guidance from him. I have made it known to my children that it’s important to me that they have a bond with their father. I don’t want them to feel guilty about this because their visits with him makes them happy. And I want my children to be happy.
- Take Care of Yourself. Get plenty of sleep, exercise, and oil yourself up baby. You can’t take care your children, if you are not well. This needs to be TOP priority. Just do it! Enjoy reading everyday. It’s the highlight of my day.
- Quality Time is Priority. Your kids want you to spend time with them. They will remember those precious memories, not the latest gadget that their father bought them. So cross that one-off your list. Don’t play the material game with your husband. Let him spend the money on stupid things. You can fruitfully spend your money and time on memories. So breathe now.
- Simplify Your Life. You need to cut out all your activities that are causing you stress and not allowing you to eat dinner as a family to a minimum. Your kids need you to listen to them daily about their day. Pick 1 or 2 activities and concentrate on them. You can always go back to volunteering after your life has settled down. Running your children all over town every evening is not healthy for anyone.
- You Need Support. You need some good listeners. Call your church and find a mentor. There are local groups if you don’t have any family support. You don’t need someone bashing your ex, but someone who just wants to listen and love you. Someday you will be this person for someone else. He will use you!
We will experience highs and lows, but I can’t wait to see God’s plans for each of our futures. He’s had this all figured out before we were formed in our mother’s womb. He’s knows this single mom thing is hard and scary, but He also never intended us to do it alone.
You are loved my friend!
Do you have any helpful tips that single moms need to know?
I understand you have said fathers are important in our children’s lives,but what if the father imparts negative attitude to both the kids and myself, do I still allow him to visit?
Hi,
I totally understand your concerns. Unfortunately, a judge will probably not rule in your favor unless there is physical or serious harm to the child.
I deal with a lot of dishonesty too. Also, I pray before my children leave and come home from his house. It just helps me put on the armor of God when I’m at my weakest.
I get that. But he left me with no choice . First of all, he only recognize one child and did not provide for the other, he also used to come with his girlfriend which I didn’t not approve of. He also never assisted financially, I tried arranging meetings with him just to discuss all this, he never showed up. I also sent him banking details for his monthly contributions,guess what he never contributed nothing for six months yet he would come to visit them just for few minutes because his girl was waiting for him in the car. So I had to put a stop to that , I sent him an email asking him why he was doing all that, buying shoes for the girl and the Boy he has never bought anything for since birth. His response was I just needed his money and I am too condescending and that if I need his money I should forget it.He came to my work place after that email with a bad stinking attitude , like God has blessed him and God has asked him to start supporting the kids , I was so pissed off for the fact that he was able to provide for them but didn’t do it just to punish me? There and then I told him to just forget about them . He left that day, I haven’t heard from him since last year May. He has now married his girlfriend . I went for counseling my pastor wasn’t pleased with my decision but he asked me never to push him away if he try’s to come for a visit. I’m waiting to hear from him.
I’m so sorry you have to deal with that. I’m afraid I’m not the best one to discuss men who don’t pay child support. I have zero tolerance for it. It’s their responsibility to provide for their children regardless of how they think of us. It seems that you are to stay put and be still in Him. Your ex just might not come back. Sending hugs!
Thanks Jill, it’s always a pleasure to Hear from mums like you. By the way I am from Africa . Malawi . Thanks
I couldn’t agree more Jill. It’s both parents responsibility to provide financially for the children. I’ve been representing myself in court in both Custody / Parenting Time and Child Support issues. It’s tough, expensive, time consuming and energy sucking however, must be done. The Obligor continues to lie, hide assets and submit fraudulent documents. I continue to file motions, subpoenas and fight for justice…and the truth. My kids deserve it. I’m thankful their heavenly father has been looking out for them and giving me strength, wisdom and a great friend who has helped me. I don’t know what I’d do without her. Keep fighting for what you and your children deserve, and what is rightfully, lawfully yours. I almost gave up several times. I’m thankful I didn’t.
Hi Kimberly,
The child support thing is so draining to me. I think once it goes through the courts, it should be a state issue. I’m amazed how many dead beat dads are out there who think it’s ok not to pay child support. It’s truly a shame in America.
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thank you so much for this post, I really needed this support!
I’m so glad you found it helpful. You are not alone! We need to stick together.
Unfortunately it’s the father’s loss and in time the children will see that. My daughter now 11 knows who loves her and cares and who doesn’t. At the end of the day be thankful that you have the gift of the children and enjoy every moment. Don’t waste your time on the worries and disappointments. Take him to court if he can’t be civil and be done with it. God is on our side and doesn’t like ugly.
Thank you for the advice. I really needed that.
The child support issue is ridiculous. And the lying and emotional toll on the children. And most of us run out of money to keep filing motions and contempt hearings…my dr. says they don’t say stress kills because its a fun saying. It’s real. After a panic filled spring/summer, and a week in the hospital with a blood clot, now medical leave is necessary. The issues compund one another. I’m not sure there’s enough essential oils for all that.
I’m a single mother to two little girls and let me tell you, everything on this list is imperative! Our Heavenly Father does love us! And our children! I also pray with my girls before visits with their date and I’ve always taught them If they’re feeling unsure or uncomfortable to say a little silent prayer and the lord will be with them. My father is the bishop of my ward at church and the love and counsel from both my mother and him has been invaluable. One day at a time we can do this!
Absolutely! One day at a time, is all we can do. God has this!
I think I needed this today. Thanks.
HI JILL,
Thank You for your lovely article.blessd to have read it.Im a single mom and this article really helped me.
thank You..thank you.
This really has help me out a lot my husband just left me in October of 2017 it’s been a year but the side effects of the pain still come up every now and then and blogs like this really do help I am a Christian woman also and at first felt like I did not deserve this but God uses our pain sometimes so that we can be a witness to others that we can make it and God is on our side he sees us and knows all and he is faithful to the Widow because the death of a marriage is as such and He will provide
I’m sorry about your pain. Life doesn’t always turn out like we plan. Stay in His word and remember you are a child of the King.
Being a single mother was temporary, which turn into permanent!
My ex and I seprate in the hopes of maturing separately to be able to come back as one and be better as a family! However being separated only grew more of a wedge that would eventually turn into regret. As he would be called Home to the MAN above.
How do you fill the void of an absent father and still provide a father’s love, when He is farther than your eyes can see? Our son is 4yrs old.
I am so sorry to hear that. We can only do the best we can. Are you involved in a church? If so, maybe have your son hang out with a male figure.
HTH!
Hang in! I know how difficult it is being a single mom.
Jill
It’s hard… I am single mom at all. Her father has not met our daughter and she is 4 now… my incomes are bad and life is tough and I am always stressed out and worried about everything 🙁